Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
