I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
