Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
