I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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