It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just cropdusted the office
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
