I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
