were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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