Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
