if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
