I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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