Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
