3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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