You smell like stripper and shame
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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