um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
