I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
