I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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