I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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