ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
