i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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