She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
