If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
