I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
