I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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