What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
high people should be assigned attendants
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
