Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
