I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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