I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
