I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
