honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
