dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
