I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
