my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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