smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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