The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
