Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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