All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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