is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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