K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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