Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
