I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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