Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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