The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
