She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
