Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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