two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
