Will you blow on my dice?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
