There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
