i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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