I just saw a hot homeless man
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
