I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
