If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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