If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
