The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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