So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
